“This I recall to my
mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed NEVER cease,
for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; GREAT is your
faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portions,’ says my soul, therefore I have hope in
Him.”
-Lamentations 3:21-24
Should we continue with the fertility treatments? Am I
getting in the way of God’s plan for us? Do I trust God is big enough to
overcome my fears? Is this desire, to have a baby, my idol? What should I do?
What should I do? After four failed IUI’s, three months of
clomid, hours upon hours of pleading to God, He finally answered with, “Keep
going.” Now, I wasn’t completely convinced of this until one morning during discipleship
class our leader said, “When you hit a road block and don’t know which way to
go…pray and keep going.” How relevant to my exact situation, I knew it was from
God.
So what did "keep going" entail? Well, we had three options;
In Vitro (not sure this was even an option since we could NOT afford it),
surgery to check for endometriosis, or take a few months off and see if we got pregnant on our own. After Danny and I prayed and talked, we thought it would
be best to go ahead with the surgery. I
met with the doctor for my pre surgery appointment and she explained what she
would be doing, showed me some pictures of what endometriosis looks like (I
opted out of a video of the procedure as I probably would have chickened out
had I seen what she would be doing, lol), and assured me that IF I had endometriosis
it would NOT be as bad as the last few pictures she showed that were at stages
four and five. So, after our little pow-wow I am feeling pretty confident and ready for surgery :-)
Surgery day approached quickly and after what seemed like a
very peaceful nap (the anesthesia), I woke to some interesting news. The doctor explained to Danny that she found stage
4 (almost 5) endometriosis, which had completely stopped the function of one
ovary and limited the other. There was scar tissue EVERYWHERE and it was way
worse than she anticipated!! I can imagine his heart just falling to the floor at that very moment as his dreams of seeing his own seed grow up seemed to be brutally crushed.
Except, she continued on and gave him the best news one could ever hope for..because of the surgery our chances of having a baby NATURALLY just increased by
40%!! AHHHHH!!! AMEN! Instead of having a 20-30% chance we now have a 60-70%!
PURE JOY!! Its comforting to know that GOD
was closing my womb for the past 2.5 years and for a specific reason. I don’t know the reason (totally fine with that) or exactly when He will give us
His baby, but I DO know that He has allowed a clear passage way now and when the timing is just perfect we will accept His blessing with grateful hearts!
“O Lord, you are my
God; I will exalt You, I will give thanks to your name; For you have worked
wonders, plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness.”
-Isaiah 25:1
I want you all to know how faithful God is- His plans are
unimaginable for us! Life is not easy, He never promised it would be, in fact,
He has warned us of trials to come, so that we may guard our hearts and daily seek
the true comforter of peace, Jesus Christ.
“For I know the plans
that I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for calamity
to give you a future and hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to
Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find Me when you search for
Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord..
-Jeremiah 29:11-14
“Do not be afraid of
sudden fear nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; for the Lord will
be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.”
Proverbs 3:25-26
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We will continue to patiently wait upon the Lord!
